Dear Santa.

Hey! It's me, Casey Alonzo here in Willow Grove, New Brunswick.

My Mommy is writing this letter for me because I do not have opposable thumbs and when I try to type I feel like Christopher Columbus (hunt for it, find it, land on it).

I have been extra, extra, extra, good this past year. Okay, maybe remove one of the 'extras' because there was that one time that I chewed up the....well, you'll see when you come.

Apparently there is a rule that says I can only ask for three things from you. Would you please leave a copy of that rule book when you visit, because I am a bit skeptical about the number.

I would like to have a package of toilet paper (16 double rolls, please). I am not fussy about the brand because I am just going to shred it anyway.

If you could leave a lifetime supply of my favourite food group - bacon - that would be awesome. I love the other three food groups too - pork chops, steak and treats - but bacon is simply the best!

Mommy and Daddy throw my ball for me all the time, but they get tired. If you could find me a ball launcher, that would be wonderful! You see, you just plug it in, fill it up with balls and I am good to go for hours! It is also good for my cardiovascular system, you know, since I eat so much bacon!

Now, there is just one other thing that I would like and since it is for after Christmas, it counts toward next year, right? Right?! I would love to have a pet. Now, when I say 'pet', I do not mean a kitten, cat, or any member of the feline family. They are just attitudes with fur. Also, fish are off the list too. They are tasty, but I am not a fan of sushi.

I think the perfect pet for me would be either a pig or a skunk. Pigs are just cool and skunks would keep the unwantables away, namely the cats that keep walking through the yard just to annoy me.

Please remember all of my friends, especially those in Puerto Rico who have had a tough year. Fun fact! Did you know that I was born in Puerto Rico?

I am going to bed early on Christmas Eve, so you can come any time after 8 PM. Since we do not have a chimney, the alarm code is 1234. I will leave you a piece of cheesecake and some bacon for the reindeer.

Safe travels, Santa! I am so excited that you will soon be here.

Love,

Casey Alonzo

Dear Wayfair Peoples:

I was excited to visit your website this morning, but now I feel I have been duped by false advertising.

Your commercial on TV says, "Wayfair, we have just what you need."

Well, you see, I need bacon. To me, bacon is a food group.

When my Mommy was away from her laptop, I went into her wallet and got her credit card. This is no small achievement, considering I have four feet and no opposable thumbs! Then, straight to the Wayfair site.

Imagine my disappointment when I searched for "bacon". I found a bacon jar candle, bacon ornament and even a bacon decorated pet bed. Those are all fine things, but they do not fill my tummy, you know what I'm sayin'?

I also found a bacon and eggs cheese server. Since cheese does not come from pigs or chickens......???????

So, Wayfair, you do not have "just what I need" because I need bacon.

I am going to watch some Scooby Doo videos now.

Would you please let me know when I can order some bacon from your site?

Thanks, Wayfair Peoples.

Casey Alonzo Milner

Willow Grove, New Brunswick

Canada